She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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