Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
