I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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