He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
