"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
