do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She bit a glass in half.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
