we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
