so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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