____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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