he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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