It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
