my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
