Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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