Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
