How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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