Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
