Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
