Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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