WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
