can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
