he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The uberlube is also flammable
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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