i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
did i just pee glitter
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize