i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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