did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
