I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
