DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
