Heybabeimwearingurpanties
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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