He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
