am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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