I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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