i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
