Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea

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(252): View more from North Carolina

I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers

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(607): View more from New York

She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.

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(616): View more from Michigan

This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.

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(512): View more from Texas

I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only

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(703): View more from Virginia

Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.

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