booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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