remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize