i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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