despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
