It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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