he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
