New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
