I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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