I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
