if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
