Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
