He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
