How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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