so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
