Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
