I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
