Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
