A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
