Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
