She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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