I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
