if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
