I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
