i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
