just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just google imaged poop.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
