Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize