taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
