Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
