well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
