I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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