so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
