can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
