is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
