On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
