The maid of honor just puked.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
