Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
