so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
last night I used snow as a chaser
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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