We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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