Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
