Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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