There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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