it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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