That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
