Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
