Quick, to the slutcave!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
