First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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